


My Funny Valentine

by nihilBliss



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Affection, Anal Play, Anal Probing, Anal Sex, Blind Character, Body Euphoria, Bulges and Nooks (Homestuck), Dorks in Love, Established Relationship, F/F, Face-Sitting, Fluff and Humor, Fluff and Smut, Gender Identity, Love, Oral Sex, Power Dynamics, Prostate Milking, Trans Female Character, Trans John Egbert, Watersports, gender euphoria, hand holding
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-10
Updated: 2019-09-10
Packaged: 2020-10-14 03:36:26
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,360
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20594039
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nihilBliss/pseuds/nihilBliss
Summary: Your name is June Egbert, and you have just heard the two words that, rightfully, scare you most in the world when shouted by your lover. You don’t know what’s going to happen, but you have about half a second to get your glasses off of your face and brace yourself for the strangeness ahead. For as often as this happens, it's always worth it. You're so in love with Terezi Pyrope that you don't know what to do with yourself.Charity commission.





	My Funny Valentine

**Author's Note:**

  * For [sliceofpi](https://archiveofourown.org/users/sliceofpi/gifts).

> For sliceofpi, a charity commission smutfic.

Your name is June Egbert, and you have just heard the two words that, rightfully, scare you most in the world when shouted by your lover. You don’t know what’s going to happen, but you have about half a second to get your glasses off of your face and brace yourself for the strangeness ahead.

“Hey nerd!”

Terezi lands ass-first on your face. Well, that’s not entirely true. She lands on her shins, but you feel her nook mash against your face, and all you can see is her gray cheeks and her teal butthole for a few solid seconds. You sputter and swear, and you try to push her off of you. But she’s holding your arms down by your sides. You’re helpless. Cursing internally, you remind yourself to swing more comically oversized novelty hammers in your free time; you're out of practice.

A rank smell drives the thought from your mind as Terezi proceeds to pee all over your face. Her nook is right above your mouth, so as you react, she sprays piss directly into your mouth. You sputter, but it doesn't help, and, worse, you send piss right up your nose. It burns, and all your coughing and snorting only sends more of the bitter liquid into your mouth.

Then the stream moves, and you're nose-deep in Terezi's ass as she sits on your face. You choke down a mouthful of piss and try to catch your breath. It would be sexy if she'd warned you or if she'd asked first. It's kind of sexy anyway. The stream hits your panties and soaks them, hits the head of your junk.

Alright, fine, it's very sexy. It's super goddamn sexy. If your parts could get erect without divine intervention, it would look like you were showing your girlfriend the one-finger salute. As it is, there's more than just troll pee dampening your underwear. Finally, the stream becomes a trickle becomes drips down your neck. Then, Terezi sighs, leaning back - onto your face, of course.

"You done?" You mumble the words, not expecting her to understand, but… wait, what was that twitch? Oh right, she's  _ ticklish _ . You blow a raspberry between her cheeks, and she shrieks, collapsing to one side and rolling away from your face. When she turns, teal in the face and irate, you look as smug as you can manage, what with your being a red-faced mess from the coughing and sneezing. And covered in pee. These things don't really help, but you're trying, dammit.

"That's what you get for pissing on me without asking," you say. “I hope you’re glad we have the rubber undersheet on, or you’d be buying us a new mattress.” She glares for a minute, but it doesn't last. A grin spreads across her face, and she snorts a laugh. You can’t help but mellow into a smile yourself.

“Alright, Egbert, fine,” she says. “You have reclaimed ground on your trickster’s gambit. I’ll give you that. But I can smell how horny you are, and I think we both know what you want me to do next.”

You feel your cheeks burn. What happens next is somewhere between embarrassing and ecstasy. When you transitioned, you had to do a lot of relearning your own body, especially between your knees and navel. Thank fuck for Roxy and Rose and Kanaya and Vriska and Karkat and even Dave, but most of all, thank fuck for Terezi. She taught you how to listen to your body and explore yourself, guiding you with astonishing patience, learning your body right alongside you. She’s the one who got you calling your penis a bulge when clit and hen didn’t feel right. There was plenty of dunking and owning, sure, but you wouldn't have fallen in love with her if there wasn't.

You smile shyly and slide your piss-damp panties down, then off. It's still a little embarrassing, what she likes to do to your butt, though you haven't felt conflicted about it in a long time. You clutch your thighs to your stomach. She licks her lips. Then, kneeling on the bed, she gets to work.

First, she circles your asshole with the tip of her tongue. It tickles a little, but mostly, it feels nice. You sigh and smile as pleasure dissolves your embarrassment. She points her tongue and runs it across your entrance. You bite your lip, and you wish she’d dive in. Should you play hard-to-get, make her tease you until you can’t help but beg? Both of you love it when you do that. But maybe not today; you’re filthy and hot enough as it is.

“Please eat my nook, Terezi,” you say.

Her tongue meets no resistance as it slips into you. You gasp. The strange wriggling sensation inside of you sends a chill up your spine, and it pushes deeper, little by little. When it finds your prostate, you yelp and clutch your legs tight to you. Terezi curls the tip of her long tongue against it. You feel gentle, undulating pressure against your spot, and it stokes your libido like a fire in a furnace. Your body wants to melt into it, go limp and helpless as she eats you out, but you clutch your legs tight to yourself all the same, just like you’re supposed to, holding tight as the pressure builds.

“Terezi… oh fuck, Terezi, it’s so good,” you whine.

She hums satisfaction against your hole and redoubles her efforts, making you do your best impression of a squeaky toy. Terezi was the first person who told you that the noises you make are sexy, so you feel no shame as you moan and whine. It’s freeing, really. And for all her near-feral japes and her razor wit, for all the danger she appears to present, you know you can trust her with any part of you.

“Love you,” you groan. “I love you, Z. I fucking love you…”

Terezi’s tongue twists against your prostate, and you feel your bulge drooling onto your stomach. The pleasure fills that spot inside of you, and you hold it there and let sensations build. You picture a golden sphere where she’s licking you. It expands outward with every lick, overlapping with more and more of you. It grows to your bulge, and more fluid drips onto your belly; to your nook, and you clench and tingle with need; to your stomach, and you pant as you feel it continue to grow. Then, it reaches your head, and when you can hold it together no longer, you release it, flooding yourself with brilliant light. You climax, twitching and whining, drooling milky fluid from your bulge and wailing with bliss. All of you takes part, every nerve and cell glowing.

Never do you feel more right in your body than when Terezi makes you come with your nook.

She retracts her tongue slowly, letting you shiver as it drags out of you. Finally, you let your legs down, numb and limp. Eyes fluttering, you hum your contentment.

“Did the Junebug have a good cum?”

You’re too bare-nerves vulnerable to hold back your snorted laugh, but you nod. Terezi crawls up alongside you and pulls you against her chest. You hold yourself close, safe in her familiar embrace. She plants a kiss on your forehead.

“Hey Terezi,” you whisper.

“Hmm?”

“We’re laying in a puddle of pee,” you say. “It’s getting kinda cold.”

“I don’t see why that would be my problem.”

“You don’t see anything, you gremlin.”

“Don’t need to,” she says, and that’s when her bulge licks a teal trail up the crease of your thighs. “Wanna show me your nook again?”

You sigh the sigh of the overburdened lover, and you set yourself face-down on the bed, letting cold urine pool around your stomach and hips. She crawls behind you, and your night becomes so much like many others as she fucks your nook and pumps you full until both you and she are satisfied, some hours later. And all the while, she clutches your hand tightly in her own, a promise she has kept to never let you go.


End file.
